Good morning. He is Risen! When my oldest son Mario was a junior in high school, he and a friend and his friend's father traveled to Missouri for a camping trip. When Mario got back he was very excited. Dad, I saw a spook light! Spook light, I said? Yeah, a spook light. We were in our car at the bottom of a hill on a dirt road, and these lights appeared right after dark at the top of the hill. As we watched them, one of the lights came flying down the road and went right past us. It was a spook light! Okay Mario, I said. That's nice. Mario sensed my disbelief. Don't you believe me dad? Do you think I'm making this up? I said no, I don't think you're making it up, but, a spook light? Mario was less than happy with my reluctance to believe his story. So I said look Mario, I'm not sure what you saw, it sounds amazing, but I guess I would have to be there to see it before I can really believe it. Putting it mildly, Mario found my lack of faith disturbing.
In our gospel today we read about the story of doubting Thomas. Over the course of church history, many sermons have been preached about Thomas, faith and doubt. Should Thomas have simply believed his friends when they told him that Jesus had risen from the dead? Was he right to doubt? Did Jesus find Thomas' lack of faith disturbing? These are difficult questions. But for me, they leave out the question of context. Questions of faith and doubt cannot be examined in the abstract. You can't answer these questions without looking at the context of Thomas' life and experiences. In the same way, for each of us, questions of faith and doubt can only be answered in the context of who we are, and what is going on in our lives.
When I was discussing with Mario his vision of the spook light, the very first thing that came to mind was not whether he really saw something, or if he was fibbing. My first thought was, what is my relationship with my son? This was the context in which I had to address my doubts. Though I had questions about Mario's story, I knew if I expressed these doubts to Mario that this could endanger our relationship. The relationship between dads and teenage sons is precarious anyway, and I knew that if I told Mario I doubted him that I could make our father/ teenager journey more dicey.
I had to weigh being honest on the one hand, with preserving our relationship on the other hand.
I believe that Thomas was responding to the other disciples in a similar context. He and the other disciples had been through a lot together. They had spent three years with Jesus. They had seen his miracles and listened to His teachings, and they had spent the last week with him in Jerusalem, from the triumphal entry to the crucifixion. Thomas and the other disciples were a team, a band of brothers and sisters, and if Thomas told them he didn't believe them, which was to say he didn't trust them, then his relationship with them might be in big trouble. This is part of the context of Thomas' story.
So I think that Thomas telling them that he needed to put his hands in Jesus' wounds in order to believe their testimony was actually an act not so much of doubt, but of courage. He was taking a big risk that his honesty might damage his relationship with them. He was risking being compared to another disciple, Judas, who didn't really believe in Jesus and ended up betraying him. I took a risk in being honest with Mario, and in a similar way I believe Thomas took a big risk in being honest with his friends.
It is never easy to find the courage to speak a difficult truth in a close relationship. Sometimes we need to talk to a friend, a spouse, or a family member about a problem, an addiction, or some other issue. We all know how scary that can be, because we might be putting our relationship with them in jeopardy. Sometimes we need to talk to a fellow employee, or maybe our boss, about something going on that needs to change, and that takes courage. Our jobs and our livelihood can be at risk by telling the truth. As hard as these are, it is infinitely harder to tell someone that you are close to that you don't believe them. I believe, in context, that Thomas had to make this decision, whether to be honest about his doubts, or not, even if that meant that his relationship with his friends and disciples might be damaged. Thomas found the courage to be honest.
Here is another story, this time from my college days. When I was a sophomore I had a crush on a girl in our campus ministry named Marilyn. We started dating, and getting closer, until one day her old boyfriend came back into town. Within a week Marilyn and I were no longer an item. That was really hard for me. Well, about a year later, Marilyn started giving me hints and signals that maybe she was interested in me again (it didn't work out with her old boyfriend). And some friends confirmed that they thought Marilyn was again looking romantically in my direction. I wanted to believe it, because I still had feelings for her. But I was too wounded to do anything about it. I told everyone, I'm just too scarred from what happened last time. If Marilyn wants to be involved with me again, she'll have to show me. She'll have to make the first move, and make it abundantly clear that this is what she wants. I just don't have the energy to believe her.
In context, Thomas and the other disciples were deeply wounded. They had given up everything to follow Jesus, they believed he was the messiah and the son of God, and they expected the kingdom of God to be revealed at any moment. But then their hopes, their dreams, and their beloved leader were killed, and their world ended. Now the other disciples were telling Thomas that they had seen Jesus. He was alive! I'm sure Thomas wanted to believe. He had heard Jesus say that if you destroy this temple in three days I will rebuild it. But like I was with Marilyn, he was too wounded to believe, too wounded to make a step of faith. Jesus would have to meet him. Jesus would have to show him the wounds in His feet and hands. It is only in the context of Thomas' woundedness that we can understand Thomas' doubts.
We all know people who for a variety of reasons are too wounded by life to hear and accept the good news of Jesus' resurrection. For whatever reason they just can't put their faith in God. And all of us know what it's like to be wounded to the point where we can barely reach out to God. Sometimes we go through through seasons where we have to retreat from the church, and maybe even God, and tend our wounds. And you know what? That's okay. God understands. In fact, I believe that these seasons of pain and doubt are a key part of our faith journey. God's ways are hard sometimes. Very hard. Sometimes God wounds us almost to our breaking point. And it is often at these times of doubt and darkness that God does his deepest work in us. God understands when we can't reach out. God understands our wounded contexts. Just like with Thomas, Jesus will gladly show us his hands and feet.
One more story from my life. My mom died last year, and in January we started to remodel her house so we could use it as a rental. Her backyard was a mess, and my youngest son Joey and some others were cleaning things up outside. In early February Joey called me, and said, hey, we found something buried in your Mom's backyard. What is it, I asked? He said his friend found a hole, and there was a can in it, and there was something in the can. But his friend had found it, so Joey wasn't sure what it was. As you can imagine, I found this news very exciting. What treasure was buried in that can? What gift had my mom or dad left me, knowing I would only find it after their deaths? I am a Jungian oriented psychotherapist, and this archetypal symbolism of parental buried treasure was pure gold! I had to get over there as soon as I could! But, I was also hesitant, and a bit reluctant. Was this too good to be true? Though I felt like a kid on Christmas morning, I didn't want to get my hopes up, and I didn't want to be disappointed. I would have to calmly wait and see what treasure was buried in that can.
In context, I imagine Thomas must have felt the same way. The other disciples were clearly very excited about having seen Jesus. And Thomas knew the Old Testament prophecies, he had seen the miracles, and He believed Jesus was the messiah. But was this too good to be true? Jesus had been betrayed, condemned to death, and then crucified. Was it possible that this story might have a happy ending? Was it really possible that the other disciples had seen Jesus alive? Thomas was afraid to hope. He didn't want to be disappointed. Again. He needed to see for himself.
We know what this is like. Maybe we hear about someone who has been miraculously healed. We wonder, can this really be true? Could God do this for me? Or maybe we hear about someone who has had a miraculous conversion to Christianity. We wonder, is it real? Will it last? Is it too good to be true? Or maybe a family member tells us that this time, it's going to be different. None of us want to be disappointed. We have all had our hopes raised, only to be dashed, and we don't want to go through that again. We understandably defend ourselves against disappointment. In context, I think this is what Thomas was doing. When he said he needed to see the wounds in Jesus' feet and hands, he was saying he couldn't bear to be disappointed.
So was Thomas flippant? Cynical? A man of little faith? I don't think so. Thomas was just like us. He was honest with his doubts, He was wounded and didn't have the energy to believe, and he wanted to believe, but was afraid of being disappointed.
So you're probably wondering, what treasure did I find in that can? You're curious, aren't you? Well, for now, I'm not going to tell you. But hold that feeling of curiosity. Because, in the context of of John's gospel, curiosity and anticipation are what Easter is all about. Mary was curious about who moved the stone. John and Peter were curious and filled with anticipation as they ran to the tomb to check out Mary's story. And I believe Thomas must have been beyond curious about whether the disciple's story of seeing Jesus alive was true. Though he was wounded and didn't want to be disappointed, in every hour of every day, and every time he was in a room with the other disciples, he must have wondered if Jesus was going to show up. And he did show up!
We must never lose that feeling of curiosity and wonder. Curiosity and wonder are our Easter faith. When we have doubts, and when we are wounded and can't bear to be disappointed again, we must keep the flame of curiosity burning. When we have to back off and heal our wounds, we must keep anticipating what our next season will look like, and what God will do next. We must understand that Easter is not just something that happened two thousand years ago. Easter is happening all the time. Jesus is coming alive in our hearts every day. This is the faith of Doubting Thomas. This is the faith of the church. And this is the faith that will set us free.
So let us never forget our contexts and the contexts of others, and when we are filled with doubt, and when we are locked up in fear of being disappointed again, tell Jesus you need to feel him and touch him. He'll show up. He always does.
Amen
By the way, there was candy in the can.
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